The Double Double Cross
by Me
Summary: When Calvin & Hobbes are dropped off at the Pickles' along with Susie, Angelica insists on becoming a G.R.O.S.S. member, to try to get away with the same stuff Calvin is throwing goofilled water balloons


A/N: Angelica has few equals in brattiness, but in pure mischief and weirdness, Calvin is the same way. So, what happens when the worlds collide? Read on to find out. Also, I've decided the Carmichaels are on vacation for this story, to ease confusion – especially my own – over the names. Again, sorry I'm not too great on how the Rugrats talk. A six-year-old could understand, though; I recall my cousins at six sometimes had to interpret for their youngest brother.

I've come up with a funny Olympic-style cartoon that has them crossed over with Dennis the Menace; this might eventually be moved to be part two of it, or vice versa, but for now...

A Double Double Cross

Susie Derkins smiled broadly as her parents dropped her off at the large, friendly-looking house. Several smaller children ran up and greeted the six-year-old, begging her to come play with them.

"Thanks so much for watching Susie," Susie's mom said. "It's hard to believe it's been ten years since my husband and I graduated from college. The school has some activities, but I figured Susie would enjoy it more at a place like this."

Didi Pickles said it was no problem. "We're always willing to help out-of-towners."

Susie smiled as she walked out to the sandbox. "Hi. I'm Susie."

"Nuh-uh," two-year-old Chuckle said. "Susie's over there." He pointed toward the home of the Carmichaels, who were vacationing with their daughter, three-year-old Susie Carmichael, and other children.

Susie Derkins could barely make out what they were saying; she was close enough to that stage to understand such baby talk, though. "Huh?" She glanced where Chuckie had pointed. After a moment, she smiled and looked back at him. "Oh, you must know another girl named Susie."

"Another one?" Chuckie looked at Tommy, his one-year-old friend. "Can they do that?"

"I guess. Maybe after while they run out of names and have to start over," Tommy suggested. Tommy introduced himself and Chcukie. Tommy was the Pickles' child, while Chuckie was a friend whose parents dropped him off at this home daycare, along with his sister Kimi. She was actually a stepsister, but that didn't make sense to Chuckie – he would never step on her.

"My sister Kimi's playing with a ball over there. The kids here are nice," Chuckie said. "Except for Angelica. She can be mean."

Susie got into the sandbox and started playing. She spoke confidently. "Well, don't worry, Chuckie. She won't bother me. I'm just glad to be on vacation here. My parents and I will do some fun stuff after their reunion since we're out here. But, Angelica won't be a problem for me. I'm just glad I won't have to put up with…" Suddenly a crash was heard, as if a dinosaur had burst through the back door and out into the yard. Her eyes grew wide as a blonde six-year-old roared, then ran and attacked the swingset. "…Calvin!"

Calvin, the boy in question, spoke as he started climbing the swingset, then swinging rapidly on it. "Spaceman Spiff takes the giant Poog creature down. Our intrepid explorer frisks the creature, determined to take all of its weapons, and then triumphantly rocks back and forth on its head as he tries to pry it off!"

"Who's that?" Tommy asked.

"What's that?" Chuckie wondered with wide eyes as he studied the boy with spiked blonde hair and a seemingly eternal sugar rush.

"At least he's just being weird right now," Susie told them. She marched up to Calvin and demanded an explanation.

While Calvin was telling her about Poog aliens, and insisting he was on the planet Pooglevarsh, Calvin's mom was telling Mrs. Pickles something more normal, which she also told Susie when she went out to say goodbye to Calvin. "My husband has a convention he has to go to, and now my mother has fallen and broken her hip; she lives in the area. I need to go be with her," Calvin's mother said by way of explanation.

She could tell Calvin's presence bothered Susie, so she told him to be sure to be on his best behavior.

"Best behavior. What does that mean?" Tommy asked Susie.

"If he stays in his Spiff character all day, it'll just be weird. If not…" She shook her head, not wanting to imagine it.

Chuckie pointed Angelica out; the three-year-old had run out to see Calvin. As he growled while swinging, she got on a swing and began copying him.

"Graaorrrr," Calvin shouted.

"Graaorrr," Angelica returned.

This went on for a minute or so. Suddenly, she stopped and asked, "Why are we growling?"

"Because, I am Spacemen Spiff, famous explorer of the universe." He seemed to notice Susie for the first time. "Look, it's one of the most outlandish creatures in the universe."

"What's that?"

"It means weird." Suddenly, he was out of his Spaceman Spiff character and back to being Calvin. "Hobbes, we must form a plan to really bug her."

Angelica rubbed her hands as she followed Calvin. She was anxious for a playmate who would play what she wanted, but she also liked really bugging people. "Great! Let's really bug those dumb babies, too," she said. "Especially Chuckie."

"Do you mind?" Calvin asked with incredible annoyance as he whirled to face her, stuffed tiger now in hand. "This is a top secret meeting of Get Rid Of Slimy girlS. Otherwise known as G.R.O.S.S.."

"Why do you want to get rid of her?"

"Why should I tell you? You're a girl!"

"So? Why can't I help you? We can bug Chuckie, too."

Calvin fumed. "Listen, this is my club!"

"It's mine, too, you know," Hobbes said.

"Shut your flea trap,' Calvin scolded his tiger. "This is serious business here. Do you have a treehouse?" he asked Angelica.

"Calvin, why are you even talking to her?" Hobbes asked.

"Because as the oldest kid here she'd be most likely to know the answer, and she doesn't have cooties yet. Why, at her age, all kids do is get in…" A wide grin suddenly snuck across his face. He could do mischievous things and blame them on Angelica. "Hobbes, listen." He whispered in Hobbes ear.

Angelica stood with her hands on her hips. "Well! What's the big secret?" she asked bossily. "Why aren't I in on this?"

"Okay, kid, get all the balloons you can."

Angelica was excited at the thought of balloons, and the image they conjured up in her mind. "Are we having a birthday party!"

Calvin slapped his forehead; he'd forgotten how simple kids were at three. "No, we're going to fill them with water and throw them at Susie."

"Oh boy! I want to throw some at Chuckie, too." That was fine. "Am I in your club, then?"

"Listen, Miss, the name is 'Get Rid Of Slimy girlS.'"

"Well," she said in a huff, "if I see any girls that are slimy I'll get rid of them."

Hobbes rubbed his chin. "She's not slimy, but she certainly has an attitude."

"But we have to bug Chuckie, too. It has to be 'get rid of slimy girls and Chuckie.'"

"G.R.O.S.S.A.C. isn't a word!" Calvin exclaimed.

"Who says it has to be a word?" Angelica asked.

"I do, I'm dictator for life!'

The tot put her hands on her hips. "Well, then, I just made it a word."

"You what?" Calvin screamed.

Ironically, the Carmichaels had a treehouse. Susie Carmichael's older brother used it sometimes. Calvin spotted it, and sped toward it after he repeated his instruction to get as many balloons as she could.

Once he and Hobbes were in the treehouse, Calvin put his hands on his hips and exclaimed, "She's got a lot of nerve."

"Sounds like someone I know."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Hobbes merely rolled his eyes. "Listen, this is our chance to really do something without getting in any trouble. Now, we're going to fill most of those balloons with water. But, a few special balloons will be filled with some gooey stuff; if we can't find paint, we'll go for something else."

Meanwhile, back over in the Pickles' house, Didi saw Angelica trying to fill a balloon with water. "Oh, would you like to play water balloons? Here." As Did helped Angelica filled her balloons with water, she instructed her not to sneak up on anyone. "You and those older kids can do that, but try not to soak Tommy or Chuckie or Kimi. They're smaller than you and might get scared more, so let them know what's coming."

"Okay, Aunt Didi," Angelica said, trying to sound like a sweet, caring girl.

She worried a little about Angelica doing this, but not too much. Angelica was less sensitive on the outside than a lot of three-year-olds. Didi figured playing something like water balloons with older kids might be very enjoyable to her niece. She instructed Angelica to come tell her if the older children were too rough, especially Calvin. She glanced outside, and saw the younger babies playing safely in the yard. While she didn't see Calvin, she knew he was older and a little freer to roam, so she wasn't worried yet.

While her aunt was distracted by Tommy and Chuckie – they wanted in, and needed to get the sand out of their shoes and clothing – Angelica got a very mischievous look in her eyes. She knew her Uncle Stu was experimenting with a strange, neon green, gooey substance in the basement that could hpefully become the next Play Dough – an inventor, he was always up to something, and it was often comical and even unworkable at times.

She wandered into the basement, and pulled a few balloons out of her pocket, filling them with enough goo to get all over Chuckie. She could even blame Calvin for it.

Hobbes, meanwhile, had found some of the same goo, and filled balloons of his own. He'd gone back out the front door (since the back yard was fenced in) and rejoined Calvin in the treehouse. "First Tiger Hobbes reports the stage is set."

Dictator for Life Calvin rubbed his hands. "This will be a glorious day in G.R.O.S.S. history, Hobbes. Susie will be a sticky, gooey mess. It'll take three baths just to get all that goo out of her hair."

Angelica pulled her own wagon with balloons to a spot in the yard right next to Calvin's stack of balloons, and then went over to the treehouse. "I heard this Angelica really is as brash as she sounds. They'll believe she did it," Hobbes responded in a whisper so she wouldn't overhear.

"You know, Hobbes…" Calvin and Hobbes each saw Angelica struggling to ascend the rope. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to get up!"

Hobbes told her to hold on, and pulled the rope up with her hanging onto the end; the treehouse wasn't that high, since Susie's parents worried Susie might try to get up it and fall off the rope. Susie Carmichael was Angelica's age, but the opposte – she was extremely nice, just like Calvin's friend Susie.

"What are you doing?" Calvin asked Hobbes in a sterner voice.

"Helping her up." Hobbes helped Angelica into the treehouse. "There you go."

"All right, when do we do it?'

Calvin glared at Angelica. "What do you mean 'we!' This is a major G.R.O.S.S. operation; we can't let just anyone be a part of it."

"I can get rid of slimy girls just as good as you!"

"No you can't!"

"Yes I can!"

"No you can't!"

"Yes I can; I can go down and…" She looked down, which she hadn't done earlier, and suddenly became terribly frightened at how far up she was. "Eeeek!"

Calvin pounded his hand into his fist. "Bugging Susie is way different than what you're used to; it takes hard work, it takes…"

He suddenly stared as Angelica; she was looking down from the treehouse and whimpering and weeping.

"Are you crying! There's no crying in water balloons!"

"Th-there isn't!"

"Of course not! Why, I had a fifteen pound water balloon fall on my head from an airplane, and I didn't cry!"

Hobbes noted that, "It was a lot less heavy, and it was a paper airplane I threw at you."

"Who's telling this story?" Calvin snapped as Angelica stopped weeping long enough to look at the boy and the tiger arguing.

"All I'm saying is it might have been fifteen ounces, but pounds!" Hobbes continued in his own superior way that, "It would figure, though, considering your knack for messing up test answers."

"So I was too busy to study the night before!"

"Busy doing what, drawing more pictures of aliens attacking Indanapolis?" Hobbes chided. "The test asked how many ounces in a pound, and you wrote 8732."

"Well, I was close," Calvin countered.

"True," Hobbes said sarcastically, "At least it was a number. When it asked how many inches in a foot, you wrote on the test, 'The Zarg government has labeled that classified. Only top level scientists have access to such data; what makes you think a peon like you should know such secrets.'"

"I ran out of time answering that question! Maybe I would have gotten it right!"

Angelica couldn't understand what they were arguing about, but she certainly considered it funny to see Calvin doing both voices as he and Hobbes argued, and began wrestling. Soon, she had forgotten how scared she was.

She didn't forget that she really wanted down, though. So, when Susie Derkins came out looking for them, Angelica called out right away when Susie yelled in that direction.

""I found them, Mrs. Pickles," Susie called back. She'd told Didi she figured that was where they'd be, since there was a treehouse there. "Do you need help down?" she asked Angelica. When she said she did, Susie climbed up part of the way and helped Angelica out of the treehouse. "I'm sure you wanted to go play with Calvin, but some things are just too much for younger kids," Susie said soothingly as they got back down on the ground.

Angelica looked to make sure none of the babies were watching - they weren't. She hated to let her feelings show. As long as they couldn't see her, she didn't mind giving Susie a very grateful hug. "Thanks, Susie. That was a long way down."

Susie could tell Angelica had really been scared, but a few seconds later the thankfulness ended, as Angelica said she wanted to go play by herself. She raced toward the balloons in the Pickles' front yard. She quickly swiped a few of the balloons marked with an "x" – however, in her haste, she'd gotten them out of Calvin's pile. He'd marked his goo-filled balloons the same way.

"Hey, what are you…" Calvin began to shout before stopping himself.

"What is she what? It looks like she just wants to hit someone with a water balloon," Susie said.

"Huh?" Calvin suddenly realized that having Angelica take a balloon from his pile was even better. "Oh…nothing, nothing."

She looked at him strangely as she, Calvin, and Hobbes walked back to the Pickle house. "Are you hiding something? Because, you have to know I know you want to hit me with a water balloon."

"Why do you need to know?"

Still on the previous question, Susie said, "I know you know I know you want to hit me with a water balloon because I know you."

"Huh?"

"See why I say you need a longer attention span," Hobbes said.

"Be quiet, Hobbes. Okay, look, just…go play with those other babies," Calvin said, oblivious to Angelica's plan. He grabbed some of his own regular water balloons, and a few of Angelica's – including some of hers marked with an "X" – as well as one of his own marked with an "X". The goo didn't look very different inside a balloon, and he didn't stop to think that Angelica might have marked hers the same way..

"Maybe I will," Susie said, "I certain don't want any part of your crazy play." With that, she wandered into the back yard.

Calvin and Angelica each took their piles of balloons through the gate, which Calvin opened for Angelica, and into the back yard.

Angelica was cunning enough to know Calvin had to be there for him to possibly have thrown a goo-filled balloon at Chuckie. However, being only three, she lacked, among other things, good aim.

"Ewwww," Susie said. She'd been playing ball with the other Rugrats, and something hit her in the leg. the neon green mess went everywhere else. "Calvin!"

"What did you do that for!" Calvin yelled at Angelica. "I…" What am I saying, he asked himself as he hurriedly threw a balloon from their pile near the back porch. However, the balloon he'd thrown at Susie held only water. In his haste, he'd neglected to make sure he had one with an "x." He threw another one almost right away, but it slipped out of his hands, and didn't break when it landed, it hadn't gone far enough.

"You're rushing," Hobbes said.

"I know that!" Calvin hastily picked up several balloons with "x"s and, this time, ran toward Susie.

The problem was, he ran right into the path of another of Angelica's poorly aimed throws. And, she had made certain to find a goo-filled one.

At this point, Didi came out to see what the screaming was about, as Susie had called for her. She listened to the combatants and watched, having expected something like this could happen, but stunned all the same.

Realizing he was now partly glow-in-the-dark green, Calvin whirled to face Angelica. "What are you doing!'

"What are you doing! You ran into my balloon! I wanted to hit Chuckie."

"You couldn't hit the broad side of a barn," Calvin said as he lightly threw a goo-filled balloon at her. It struck and got goo all over Angelica's dress, he'd thrown it just hard enough to break, but it didn't hurt her.

Angelica was steaming, though, and marched up to Calvin. "You big dummy!" she hollered as she threw another balloon, hitting Calvin in the head – they were only a few feet apart. "They won't believe you were the one who hit Chuckie when you're all gooey!"

"Hey, I'm not using near all the muscles I could!" He fired another balloon at Angelica, and the neon green got into her hair this time, as well as on more of her body; it had basically been flipped into the air and come down on her head. "You were supposed to hit Susie, not me!"

"I didn't want to hit Susie, I wanted to hit Chuckie with that goo!" Splat! Angelica was using all her muscles; she was furious.

"I don't care who you wanted to hit, I wanted to hit Susie and blame you!" Splat!

Soon they were all covered with the neon green mess, and Didi had learned everything about each of their plans.

Susie had brought another pair of play pants, just in case she got one really dirty, so she was okay. As for Calvin and Angelica…

"I can't believe it! What a day for G.R.O.S.S.!"

Hobbes agreed. "If you'd been able to talk them out of giving you a bath, you could hve gotten that glow int he dark green mess on everything else, too."

"I'm not talking about that. I mean, she double crossed me!"

Hobbes pointed out that, "You were going to double cross her first, though; wouldn't what she did be a triple cross?"

"Never mind that. They're calling my parents, too. We'll have to go sit in a hospital emergency room with some old hag now."

Calvin's dad came into the room he'd been put in as punishment. "I just wanted to let you know I'm out here. They told me you were being very gentle when tossing those balloons at that little girl, and I'm proud of you for that." Didi could tell he was just tossing pretty lightly. "But, we're having a long talk about how you tried to blame her for your sneaky trick before I go back to my meeting; and you're going to be separated from all the others till we come get you. I've told them that includes no TV." He could play outside, but it had to be something like Calvinball where he wasn't bothering any of the others.

Calvin sighed once his dad was done lecturing him. "What a humiliating day for G.R.O.S.S. – we've had lectures, but we've never had one end in a stupid bath before," he complained.

Hobbes said there was a bright side. "Angelica doesn't like baths either, and she got in big trouble with her Aunt Didi."

Calvin shook his head. "Somehow, it isn't really a victory when you're not the one bugging someone. On the other hand, all that green stuff in her hair…"

Angelica came into the room to see Calvin. "Thanks to you, that goo turned my hair green! And, I had to sit in the corner and hear a long lecture."

"Wow, I'm glad none got in my hair."

"Uncle Stu said it would wash out. It did, but it took a while." Angelica frowned. "But, you're still nuts!" She stomped off.

Hobbes remarked that, "A lot of people seem to think that about you."

"Well, old buddy, I guess that's why it's great to have someone like you around."

Tommy and Chuckie said goodbye to Susie as she came out into the back yard one last time. "Thanks for coming," Tommy said.

"Yeah. Do you guys always throw water balloons at each other back home?" Chuckie asked.

"Sometimes. Although usually I wind up getting Calvin before he gets me." Chuckie was stunned; to him it sounded like those two were like Angelica and him. "Don't worry, Chuckie," Susie said, putting an arm around him. "One of these days, when you're older, you'll learn how to outsmart her, too."

Chuckie thanked her, and she left. "Do you really think that can happen, Tommy?"

"Hey, why not." He thought he saw something go behind a big tree in the yard, just before Angelica called for Chuckie. "Did you hear that; she has a surprise for you."

"W-what do you think it is?" he asked anxiously, thinking about the water balloon fight he'd seen earlier that day. Didi had made sure all the go-filled ones were gone, but he knew there were still regular water balloons around.

Tommy pulled a water balloon out from behind him, and motioned for Chuckie to be quiet. They walked toward Angelica. "Hey, Angelica, my water ballon's bigger than yours."

"It is n-…oops," she said as she pulled the water balloon out from behind her back, then realized her mistake too late. Tommy took it.

"Hmmm, same size." Chuckie took one as Angelica ran; they threw the balloons in her general direction, but their aim was short and way off, as they expected.

Still, Chuckie decided Tommy was right. "I guess maybe I could win one someday. I'm glad I have you to help me in the meantime.

"Hey, that's what friends are for."


End file.
